Reflections on “Home”

“What if the ache within you is there because you have a home and that homesickness you’ve felt in the most exquisite moments of your life is not a defect, it’s actually a memory? It’s a memory that you were meant to belong to the Father.” –Gavin Ortlund

Editor’s Note:

AJ serves in a creative access nation in Central Asia, where she is building relationships, learning language and culture, and sharing the hope of Christ in a place where many have little or no access to the gospel. This summer marked one year since she moved to Central Asia. In recent months, she has deepened friendships with local people, spent time in a neighboring country learning and serving among an unreached people group, and continues to pray that the connections God is providing will open doors for future gospel work. As you read her reflections on the meaning of “home,” you’ll gain a glimpse into both the joys and challenges of faithfully following Christ wherever He leads.

I have moved states/countries just a handful of times in my life. The first couple of times I was pretty young. I don’t remember much. My roots as a 3 and 7 year old were not firmly planted. The third was my move to Mexico. This move was temporary, I knew a return date. But its effects have stayed with me to this day. It was the first time where I really questioned what the meaning of “home” was. 

Very quickly I felt at home in Mexico. I was torn between a “home” where my physical house was, my family, my childhood friends, 20 years of life consecutively lived in one area…and a “home” where my soul connected so deeply to brothers and sisters, to a language I had spent many years studying, to a warm-welcoming culture, and the tastiest food on the planet. When I returned from Mexico I realized that the concept of “home” would not ever be the same.

Now the concept of home was connected much more deeply to people rather than a mix of bricks and cement with a number and street name tied to it.

Last year, when I moved to Central Asia, it was different. It’s different because I don’t know a return date. I don’t know what government processes and rules will change that will prevent or allow me to keep a visa. I don’t know what the Father’s plan is for my timeline. I can plan and prepare, but it is the Father that directs my steps. After a year living here I am slowly beginning to feel like I can also call this place home. After my month away in the neighboring country, I realized that I have so much here that I truly miss. My friends, my Group here, my favorite coffee shop, my teammates, my gym, the parks. I found myself saying multiple times this past week “it’s good to be back home.” 

I’m blessed to have traveled to many places and built relationships with so many different people. I currently have 5 different types of currency and a small collection of SIM cards in my wallet. I have 18 time zones tied to people I love saved on my World Clock app. I have worship songs in 6 different languages that represent sweet memories in my Spotify playlist. There are friends and family who make me feel like home in 15+ different countries and many US states.  

But no matter where on earth we physically live. No matter where or who we call “home,” something will always be missing. And I think that’s a good thing. It is a good thing to be reminded that the ache our hearts feel at any given time is because it is remembering our home with the Father. It is a painful but helpful reminder that one day our hearts will be fully satisfied. And a motivator to bring as many people with us as we can!